I dreamt about her. Twice. Nothing perverted. They were actually really nice. I feel like I should call, but my conscious thought reminds me that there isn’t really any point. Rational thoughts versus the subconscious. Could be a battle of epic proportions. Or not.
As of late life has been, well, pretty great. I just got back from an amazing vacation with the family. Work is work, albeit absent at the moment, but that’s a minor setback that usually rectifies itself in short order. Things with my friends are excellent. And aside from the tumultuous battle with the near-constantly open buffets, top quality foods, and copious amounts of alcohol consumption during said vacation, I feel like I’m in good health.
Then there’s “her”. You may ask, who is this “her”. “Her” is an apparition. A non-entity that hovers over my life now and again. Most people would call her the embodiment of my loneliness. Could be. I haven’t really thought about it as much as one might think, considering my type of character. Though, I can’t lie, there were moments as I sat in my room on our cruise partially wishing I could share the moment with someone special, thinking about the last time I was in a similar situation. Back then, I was with a woman I loved and adored, though the hints of our impending doom were already prevalent in my mind, the euphoric feeling of being loved and being with someone satiated any negativity that could have ruined the moment. I wasn’t lonely.
These days, I don’t have time to feel lonely. I work a ridiculous number of hours, fortunately, doing something I love, and in those other hours, I spend with friends and family. Its the quiet moments that bring about the dystopian imagery. Fortunately, the quiet moments are few, and very far between. Life is loud.
But then the dreams came. Completely out of the blue, and completely beyond my control. In the world of the subconscious, there is no place for rationality. And it annoyed me. But what I felt in the dreams brought me that euphoria that I could easily recognize. Perhaps that’s the point. These feelings aren’t really about any one person in particular. Its about the feelings themselves. My mind’s way of reminding me that there is something more worth striving for.
I’m not lonely. I’m just… missing a feeling that stepped out for a bit. When it comes back, it’ll bring something special with it.